(Source: subtubitles)

tsarbucks:

tehlofflies:

tsarbucks:

you know when i die i’ll probably just be in the afterlife blogging like 

"heaven has no free wi-fi? fuck this shit i’m going to hell"

how do you know hell has wifi

satan owes me several favors

gaimez:

One time this girl really hated me and wanted to ruin my reputation or something so one day i was talking to a boy and she came up and really obnoxiously said “you know she has a crush on you right?” and he was like “man i hope so or else this is gonna get really awkward”

She fuckin told my boyfriend that i liked him

(Source: a-tlants)

"I’m an adult, but not like a real adult"
— anyone between the ages of 18 and 25 (via prettyboystyles)

(Source: nevver)

shikarius:

Dad’s gotten 1000% better talking about periods since we started using Shark Week euphemisms:

"Ah, it’s Shark Week?" = "Ah, you started your period?"

"Harpoons on deck?" = "Do you have enough pads/tampons/etc?"

"Chum stocks are holding?" = "Do you need chocolate/midol?"

"Supplies are low cap’n" = "Yes, please."

"What kind (of shark) is it?" = "How do you feel?"

  • "It’s a Nurse Shark" = "I’m fine/not bad"
  • "GREAT WHITE OFF THE STARBOARD BOW" = "FUCKING OW"
"When I’m alone I’d rather be with you."
— Childish Gambino (via averagefanformany)

salparadisewasright:

tea-with-a-splash-of-kitten:

The worst part about liking classical music is when you forget the name of a piece and you can’t google the lyrics because there are none

image

trust-me-im-satan:

when people start getting close to your friends

image

ka-ka-ka-kanaya:

"i want a blowjob"

quiero una biblia

"call a prostitute"

llama a la monja

"where is the strip club"

donde esta la iglesia

"i want to get laid"

quiero leer la palabra de dios

(Source: zojjaboy)

(Source: lvloonlight)

jetbag:

one time i actually thought i had a chance with someone 

kawashironitori:

talking to person u like alot and u feel like ur annoying them

image